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  there is no cruelty like an unidentified autistic person who hates their fellow autistic people

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  A lot of people in Autistic Burnout desperately want their old life back. I understand that grief. What did that life cost you? Because if your old life required constantly overriding your body, masking, performing and running on fumes, than recreating it isn’t recovery - it's going backwards

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  “Can I do it?” is a terrible measure of disability. Yes, I can do it. Can I do it repeatedly? Can I do it safely? Can I do it without support? Can I do anything afterwards? Can I do it tomorrow too? What does doing it COST? These tell me a lot more about my capability.

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  do you think most autistic people are in autistic burnout?

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  Your meltdown isn't the whole story. The trigger - the loud noise, the cancelled plan, the unclear text - that's just the final drop in the bucket. The bucket was already full. For autistic folx, the drop gets all the blame while the hour before, the day before, the week before go unexamined. Don't study the drop too much. Focus on what filled the bucket.

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  Nearly every friend I’ve ever made came thru a “special interest”. Not small talk. Not networking. Not “putting myself out there.” A shared “obsession”, and someone standing next to me inside it. For autistic folx, special interests aren’t a pathological symptom to manage or destroy. They’re often the closest and truest road to connection we have. Society needs to stop pathologising the thing that brings us people and connection.

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  You couldn’t do the dishes. Again. Maybe it’s sensory. Maybe it’s exhaustion. Maybe you’ve spent every available spoon getting through a world that doesn’t fit you, and you genuinely don’t have one left. “Executive dysfunction” is just dysregulation with a moral judgment stapled to it. Figure out the why before you beat yourself up.

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  The world teaches autistic people to ask “how do we stop being autistic in public?” instead of “what support team & tools would let us exist safely?”

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  New peer support workshop begins this month https://www.theautisticcoach.com/newly-diagnosed-autistics-group

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  shaming other autistic comrades (or even yourself) for not practicing self-care 100% is ableist AF.

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  Some people call us “too sensitive.” But if the lights harm us, they harm us. Why moralise it? If the noise overwhelms us. it overwhelms us. If surprise plans dysregulate us, they dysregulate us. Expressing needs isn’t a problem. The problem is being expected to pretend what harms us doesn’t.

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  A boundary isn't always a sentence or statement. Sometimes it’s not going to the thing. Sometimes it’s muting the chat. Sometimes it’s putting the phone away. Sometimes it’s leaving the room. Sometimes it’s no longer explaining something to someone committed to misunderstanding you. @autistics@fedigroups.social

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  What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned in life when it comes to disability?

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  Not all meltdowns look like screaming or tears. Some meltdowns go inward. The spiral. The pacing, the numbness, the silent rage. The feeling of being trapped inside your bodymind with no exit. That’s still a meltdown. We just don’t get care for it - because it’s not visible. We don’t rest after. We blame ourselves. We call it “a bad mood” or “being dramatic.” But it’s a nervous system collapse. It’s our bodymind saying "this is too much". When we only define autist...

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  What’s something you were told was a “social skill” that actually made your life worse as an autistic adult? I have a long list. @autistics

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  Autistic Masking isn’t just “hiding who you are” or “pretending to be NT” It’s watching your face Editing your tone Bracing for reactions Suppressing your needs and thinking you have none Performing safety Putting yourself last All at once. All the time. You wonder why you’re tired

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  Have you ever been in a group where “everyone is welcome” really meant, “no one will stop the most overwhelming person in the room" ? Because that’s a very common model of “inclusion.”

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  Not all autistic meltdowns are visible. Some of them look like smiling, nodding, “I’m fine.” All while your body is on fire. Internalised meltdowns don’t disappear. They get redirected - into dissociation. Into self-blame. And because no one sees them, no one believes how much they cost.

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  You didn’t “hold it together.” You swallowed the meltdown and redirected it inward. Instead of screaming - you froze. Instead of hitting a wall - you hit yourself with thoughts. Instead of leaving - you stayed and disappeared. You never called it what it was. A meltdown. Invisible to others.

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  Disabled humans are sexual beings - just like our able bodymind peers. Disabled humans can also be asexual - just like our able mind-body peers. The desexualization of disabled humans is an act of violence against us by society.

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  Trans rights are disability rights.

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  Chag Sameach! https://open.substack.com/pub/theautisticcoach/p/pesach-isnt-about-liberation?r=1rgomz&utm_medium=ios

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  A lot of autistic adults say that they don’t have meltdowns What they mean is that they learned how to hide them. And not even know. Years of.. “Don’t overreact.” “Calm down.” “Stop being difficult.” It conditions us to mask them. And not realise what’s even happening. @autistics

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  A lot of autistic adults say we don’t feel joy. Years of… “That’s weird.” “Why are you like that?” “Can you not do that right now?” So the feeling comes and instead of calling it joy, we question it - minimise it, or stop it. To stay safe. To be accepted. To go unnoticed. And we lose it.

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  I’m hosting a free online discussion & support group for autistic trans and nonbinary folx next week - come join us! https://www.theautisticcoach.com/autism-discussion-affirmation-circles

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  come join my free discussion and support group on autistic masking & unmasking on april 15 https://www.theautisticcoach.com/autism-discussion-affirmation-circles

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  A lot of autistics say they “just shut down” What we mean is that our system hits capacity. It doesn’t look like an external meltdown. It looks like going quiet, staring at nothing - all with racing thoughts. Trying to stay present while everything pulls away. An internalised meltdown.

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  I host a monthly space on zoom for autistic folx to meet and discuss the hard things that so many of us don’t have anyone to talk about with. This month we will be delving into autistic masking. https://www.theautisticcoach.com/autism-discussion-affirmation-circles

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  Some autistic adults say they “don’t struggle that much anymore” What they mean is that they got better at hiding it and not even know. The overwhelm is still there - it just looks like being quiet, agreeable, and easy. And people rarely question it. Because it makes everyone else comfortable.

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  Autistic adults don’t need to be fixed. We need lives that don’t require constant self-betrayal to "function." Needs aren't preferences. Support isn't indulgence. Dignity isn't optional. None of this is radical. It's baseline humanity.